06.21.26

work survival checklist

iced coffee ✓

badge ✓

imposter syndrome ✓

ipod with snow strippers playing ✓

06.20.26 - où va la chance ?

I don’t desire to climb the corporate ladder, I once upon a time wanted it and badly but now it seems like a fruitless race, one that isn’t something I see myself being part of. During my visit to my boyfriend’s hometown on the East Coast an epiphany of sorts happened which was unexpected since the lightbulb in my head is flickering ninety percent of the time but for the first time I felt truly balanced. Maybe it was the change of scenery or savoring the week passing by slowly…that’s what I desired.

Coming back to my job, an emptiness inside of me began to grow or it has always been there and I just noticed. I got promoted almost two months ago, shouldn’t I be happy? Why am I not happy?

This has always been an issue with me going back into my college years, I had this great plan that I would run away to Europe, no country in particular, I’d change my name and live peacefully as I start my life over. Then the realization hit me that no matter how many times I’d follow this plan my problems would still be there, I never told anyone about this plan but my nineteen year old self thought it was a genius idea at the time. Now I’m closer to thirty, in a long-term relationship, and a different mindset yet sometimes that idea comes around from time to time when I’m feeling stressed or in a unsavory situation, like right now with my current job.

I wonder if that’s how Lana Del Rey felt? She now lives in a small town somewhere in Louisiana and married a regular guy (sometimes I read about celebrities in passing when browsing the internet). From the outside she seems to be happy, goes into the city when necessary to do her job and goes back home to someone waiting for her in a quaint town. I hope someday I can have that too, not the fame or anything of that sort just the peacefulness of existing somewhere quiet in a world full of noise.

07.31.25 - cdmx

A very nice city with nice people.

07.16.25 - hello

first blog entry! please excuse my typos for any upcoming posts.